*Action *Purpose - A positive trajectory from a scary start

I have been procrastinating, finding any reason to avoid writing in this Blog. I have had the website for a number of weeks now and have managed to do everything but write and doing anything to avoid writing! Even eyeing off dirty clothes to wash, sometimes when they were still being worn. To say that I am way outside my comfort zone here would be an understatement.

So who am I to write a Blog? Why would a 48 year old sick woman be suddenly motivated to write in a Blog? Who would read it? The answers are: I am Irene, this is my Purpose right now and whoever needs to read it will find it. In a nutshell, since 2013 my life has been turned upside down. A spiritual awakening at breakneck speed, all of the comedic occurrences documented in an unreleased book. I’m not sure if spiritual comedy was historically a genre - but it is now! Unreleased because it is not the right time.

Things calmed down spiritually for a bit after finishing Book 1, then boom, everything started up for a second time. Book 2 began, again with guidance from higher sources. A book on diet, where I am in competition with my dog to lose weight. I knew what my path was! I was supposed to show the world the “Correct Diet”. Again, divinely guided! I was being shown what the only diet that humans should consume consisted of. I was excited! What a project! Synchronicity was everywhere!

Things did not go as planned! I have honestly come to expect that from the Universe. Unfortunately you don’t get the script, you just have to live it. I’m a control freak and it was supposed to unfold the way I wanted it to e.g. I would have started writing Book 2 in November 2015 and have lost 30kg within 4 months. The dog would have lost her fat rolls as well and we would have had a best seller to boot. This did not happen! After over 90,000 words written and close to 5 years the dog is still fat, as am I.

Things have taken a turn in a different direction over the last year. I’m less concerned about weight loss and more concerned with survival. After the start of an ongoing battle with aggressive breast cancer since September 2019 and another diagnosis of Diffuse Scleroderma (a rare autoimmune disease) only 2 months ago, weight was/is the last thing on my mind.

To be honest, since getting really sick, I have questioned my purpose. I knew that the spiritual experiences I had were real so what happened? Did I fail? Did the Universe get someone else to take the project on because I had stuffed it up? How could I have cocked it up so much!!! Where did I go wrong? I have had some very dark periods. I have been very hard on myself. Now I realise my journey, the whole journey, is the story. The good, the bad, the ugly, the funny and the downright near ready to jump off a bridge parts.

In early March 2020 I was at a particularly low point, briefly considering suicide. I would have called Lifeline but how could I say “I think I’ve failed my divinely guided spiritual life path of writing a diet book and I believe that the higher beings have handed the task over to a better candidate”. To be honest I don’t think the suicide prevention call centre staff have training on that particular scenario.

At the time I was completely hairless, apart from hairy toes (how the f*#k does that happen, isn’t chemo meant decimate all your hair - the Universe’s idea of a sick joke if you ask me). I was about to undergo a double mastectomy and reconstruction. I was symptomatic for Diffuse Scleroderma, although not yet formally diagnosed. A friend, who had lived with me for 5 years, moved out suddenly and an ongoing rift formed between us. My partner and I were fighting a lot as I didn’t think he cared if I lived or died. Coronavirus was getting scary and finally, all the spiritual synchronicities had diminished greatly. I felt very very alone, unloved, worthless and that I was complete failure. This was the darkest time of my life so far.

It all started to change when John called me in early March 2020. John is a client who I consider to be a good friend. We often have deep discussions about spirituality. In early March John called me, excited. He had been to see a Spiritual Medium, hoping that his dad would come through. I don’t believe his dad did come through but, for some reason, I came up in his reading for quite some time. Rebecca Mayhew knew what my name was, or that it started with an “I”. She knew that I had breast cancer. She said that the Universe was 70% giving me the thumbs up to live, as long as I took care of myself, but that there is still free will and if I wanted to I could take the 30% option. It was very specific information and considering that John and I are not on Facebook together, it was not an option that she had looked it up. My mood was somewhat bolstered, there seemed to be a little glimmer of light. The Universe was getting me a message from an unlikely source. I booked a session with Rebecca, earliest available was 11th July, 2020.

On 24th June, 2020 I was formally diagnosed with Diffuse Scleroderma which had progressed to my lungs. Most people die from Scleroderma due to heart / lung / kidney involvement. It took me a few weeks to digest the news. Even though the ongoing symptoms had suggested the disease, the formal diagnosis was still a blow. It took me a few weeks to get my head together, by that time it was the week before I was to see the Psychic Medium Rebecca Mayhew. I started to have thoughts “This is part of the story” and “I’m meant to continue writing the book”. I had had these thoughts before but they were on my mind a lot over this period.

I was very excited on the day I was seeing Rebecca. The only thing I wanted confirmed was that I was meant to be writing. I know that most people go to talk to a loved one. I just wanted to know that she was the real deal and that I was supposed to be writing my story. I didn’t let anything slip - you can’t give away information as there are frauds out there. I just sat there and Rebecca started. She got all the names of my immediate family “Jason, Jen & Tim”. She got that my mother was in a nursing home with dementia. I suppose she could have looked on Facebook for all that. She said that my father’s father was there saying hello but that he knew I didn’t know him as he had died before I was born. I suppose she could have researched that on Ancestry.com. It was looking pretty good though as seriously how much time could a Medium spend researching stuff for a 90 minute session.

Rebecca is also a Medical Medium so she started to scan my body. “Head and neck all ok. Shoulders ok. Lungs, hmmm, lungs, am I getting a smokers energy?” I replied “no”. “Hmmm there is something wrong, something structural” I replied “yes”. Now I knew she was the real deal. There was nothing on Facebook about my Scleroderma and I think it is extremely unlikely that she is related to or knows my Rheumatologist. There are also no outward signs of lung problems at this stage. I am aware of the lung difference but it wouldn’t be obvious to anyone else. Rebecca had proven herself to be the real deal. Rebecca was talking about my disease and how much light there was and was not in my lungs. I sat there, poker faced, but in my head I kept repeating “talk about writing” “talk about writing” “talk about writing”. About 5 seconds after I was chanting this in my head Rebecca turned to me and said “You are meant to be writing about this”.

The utter relief! I had validation! What I had been thinking was correct. So the book continues. Half book (Nov 2015 - June 2020), half Blog (July 2020 onwards).

I have a list of things that must be written, now that bottle has been uncorked, things will flow again.