*Shadow Work - The Places in Ourselves we Try to Avoid
This area fascinated me, when I was introduced to it through watching the Radical Remission Series . At first my thoughts on healing past trauma jumped straight to “Rape” or “Abuse” etc. It was obvious that people who had experienced such profound incidents in their life would need to deal with this trauma or could potentially get sick. I did not really think too much about healing trauma from my own perspective. I had a good childhood. I was never raped or abused. What possible trauma could I have to heal? Of course there were things that happened that caused turmoil, we all have that stuff: fights with family; unkind things said to you when you were a child that really upset you. There is nothing special there.
It was only when I took it on board that this area was important, as it was part of the 10 steps. I needed to start digging, but where could I begin? I remembered Gnostic Wellness in Woy Woy and decided to make an appointment. All I knew was that I wanted energy work, but there are many kinds of energy work. I called up and ran through my options and decided on one that felt right. Emotional Freedom Technique (Tapping) and Reiki with the talented Kate Leuenberger.
So now I’m an onion! I realise how many layers there are. I peel another layer off each time I attend. I switch between Reiki and EFT to clear out past baggage that is no longer needed. This isn’t for the faint hearted though! It is not merely a session where you point the finger at how others have wronged you…. No No No, don’t expect that. You need to be prepared to look at how you behave; what are your triggers. Complete honesty is required. These behaviours and triggers will likely have caused other people pain, possibly creating future trauma to be cleared in their lives. In this way it is helpful to look at the whole cycle lovingly. This can be hard, and i’m still no expert as I can get really angry at certain people for things that have happened. I’m a work in progress!
One of my big issues has been my need to have people understand a situation for what it really was, to validate my point of view. To talk about the situation, warts and all (including anything bad I did), and have them accept what I’m saying as truth because they should know me and trust me and know I’m telling the truth. If this doesn’t happen and e.g. the friend decides to side with another party, I will show proof… irrefutable proof of the situation! SMS’s and pictures, whatever proof I have. My mind is happy “I have proven my point, it is there in black and white, blind Freddy can see I’m right”. Guess what, sometimes it doesn’t matter. The person can choose the other side regardless. I then feel hurt, betrayed, infuriated and bewildered.
This same situation has happened a number of times in the last few years. I could see a pattern. Hmmm, guess what, the Universe keeps giving you similar situations until you grow. For me, the lesson was never about whether I was right. The experience was always to be put on the “you are wrong” side of the argument even if I was right. The experience was an opportunity to deal with the situation gracefully. Um, guess what - FAIL!! If open expression of fury was a contest I would have the gold medal!
The phrase “Other people’s opinion of you is none of your business” comes to mind. Great concept, hard to practise at times.
But where did this need to be proven right stem from? Through energy work, I have dug deep and gone back to things that happened when I was a child. I have opened up the old wounds of a 5 year old, things that seem silly and childish now. I have openly cried about these things as if I was that 5 year old again. I have then comforted the 5 year old me and started to release the pain of the situations so that they stop having a grip on me, and shaping my life any further. 43 years is enough!
This was just one layer of my onion (my onion is large). Everyone has their own onion. These damn onions need to be peeled or they make you sick. Funny really, even pealing metaphoric onions makes you cry!