*Shadow Work *Intuition - Letting Go of Kids

I feel like I am crossing the final frontier, well, the last major hurdle for me to master, relating to Shadow Work.

The overwhelming feeling of burden of responsibility for my children’s happiness has weighed heavily on my soul for years. Kids are harsh and unforgiving and have a tendency to blame their parents for things that have happened, or how the parent handled a situation. I did it to my mum and my kids have shared the gift with me as well. I’m not perfect and I have screwed up, royally screwed up at times. I have however tried my best.

Moving through this journey, as was noted in previous posts, I have been happy to step back from…. I guess you would say “Helpful Control” and let my daughter find her own way without me directing her life or fixing her problems. I have found it harder to release my 14 year old son. To be honest, the process has been like trying to peel off a hungry monkey’s fingers from a banana. Each time I get one finger off, and try to remove another, the first finger snaps back down.

Tim has been pushing back. He wants autonomy…. wants to be treated like an adult. My mind screams “BUT HE IS JUST A CHILD AND NEEDS MY GUIDANCE”. A little while back, since the sandwich incident noted a few posts back, Tim has been getting himself to school and making his own lunch. I’m not necessarily thrilled with what he puts in his lunch box at times but, for the most part, I keep my mouth shut. I have had a backstop you see… vitamins and energy work. I would not relent on the vitamins I make him take every day. Also, I have him going to see Michelle, the Kinesiologist, to work on energies relating to food intolerances and stuck emotions. Tim was cranky about the vitamins, saying they do nothing, and was pretty well outright rude to Michelle at each Kinesiology session… basically saying it was a loan of crap. I just kept saying “Your belief is not required” and continued forcing him to participate.

Last Friday night I awoke with the thought “You need to let Tim choose if he wants to take vitamins and do Kinesiology”. I was cranky and pushed the thought away. I went back to sleep.

In the morning I awoke and the same thought was stronger. I was trying to dodge my thoughts. It was kind of like me sticking my fingers in my ears and yelling “la la la la” to avoid hearing another person. It did not work as there was no one else there. I relented and checked using my pendulum and the answer was clear “let Tim decide”. I was extremely unhappy with the answer! I clearly needed to release the grip on that banana (hmmm just worked out that I’m labelling my son a banana - oh well, no time to rewrite this now).

It was Saturday morning and I was going to The Spirit Energy Centre for the second time for an Energy Current Meditation with Oscar De Sousa, a Medium who I had seen for a reading years ago. The first time I attended this meditation was the previous week. I went with Michelle (the Kinesiologist). There was a huge amount of energy that I could feel running through my body, especially down my back. I was keen to continue going.

Michelle was annoyed that she could not go, she only realised after she had invited her entire Yoga class.

I walked in and sat on a lounge. Before arriving I had set the intention for the meditation to help me release Tim.

Oscar was late and so I started chatting to a lady who was close to me. I asked her if she was from Michelle’s Yoga class and it turned out she was the Yoga instructor and her name was Lisa. I let her know of my intention and how Tim was ie really stubborn and wanting freedom. I also let her know of my anguish letting him go and not wanting him to fail or go through any suffering.

Lisa listened and then told me the story of her middle child, now an adult. He refused to do any assignments. He refused to study for tests. He was the only child to get a 0 in his School Certificate. He refused to do his driving hours within the allotted time, resulting in him having to do a ton more hours (as the rules changed). She said she was in the same boat at the time and was suffering so much anguish wondering if he would be ok. She then advised that all her worry was for nothing as he was now a doctor and just did it his own way and in his own time.

I was so grateful for the information and has helped me to let Tim go. I have given him the choice and he has chosen not to take supplements or go to Michelle and that is ok. Even if his diet is not perfect, he will be ok. I will provide a compromise of reasonable food for him to pack for school lunches.

I sent Michelle a message saying “I know why you could not come today” and we then spoke. Michelle was apparently going to cancel her other plans but she received the message “there is a reason why you cannot go today”. The reason was, if she was there, I would not have had the opportunity to talk to Lisa.

I also drew a card which i’ll share in another post. In the card, from the Kali Oracle, it stated “If you are used to controlling everyone and everything, consider this a chance to step back and allow others to develop their power and responsibility”.

It also brings to mind how Jewish people have a Bar Mitzvah at 13 years of age. Maybe this is around the right time to start giving autonomy. Tim has been pushing back big time for about a year now, so the timeline fits. A quick Google check on the Jewish Museum London page confirms my thoughts “A Bar or Bat Mitzvah is a coming of age ceremony for Jewish boys and girls when they reach the age of 12 or 13. This ceremony marks the time when a boy or girl becomes a Jewish adult. This means that they are now responsible for their own actions….”

I have made the right move, I am still here but am taking more of a “I’m here if you need me… but don’t come to me when you have done no work on an assignment and expect me to fix it” approach.